Keep Fighting for What You Love

Remember in my last post I told you guys to follow your intuition and go with what felt right? That even though the right people will guide you through tough choices, it's down to you to figure out what you want?

Well, I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't follow through what I said and went against it, and by the end of the day, I regretted it.

I was peer pressured into the opposite choice in the last hour before my deadline. Some people made me believe that the school I planned on going to, "the one that felt right for me," was a stupid decision... That I would make fake friends... That I wouldn't be happy playing a higher level volleyball because it was "too difficult" for me to get into... That I would be stereotyped as Asian like the majority of the school was.

None of what they said was true either. I mean, there are fake people wherever you go and I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine making new friends. Plus, there are loads of people I know to who go to that school already, and I don't need to make a hundredkabillion (that's a number now) friends to be happy anyway.

Even after all this bull shhh they threw at me, and because I was already anxious, I gave in.

Every minute afterwards I hated myself for it. By this point, there was no stopping the tears... I felt weak.

By the end of the next day, I switched my registration back over to my first choice, and I felt grounded again, and like I had more control over my life. It's been a few days since, and I've definitely felt so much better.

One of my close guy friends told me to keep fighting for what I love.

I love how kind and supportive my friends are, and I am so grateful to have him in my life, as this was what kept me going for the next few days.

And today, I found a hidden note inside my notebook I use for blog planning, written by my mum:

"My dearest Kyia, I love you. You are the MOST beautiful, caring, understanding child a mother could hope for. I love you with my every breath. I believe in you. I know everything you do will be what is best for you, so please do not stress so much about things. What will be will be. Every decision you make can either go well or go poor. I made many many poor decisions, and things don't get easier. Just go with the flow, and remember to be happy. THAT is all that matters. Things change, life changes, sometimes good, sometimes bad. There are many things in this life that will try and bring you down. All you can do is fight. Fight with your very being. I know I am rambling, I'm just so proud of you with everything, I hope you know that. You and your sister are what my decisions have made and I will NEVER regret them. Life cycles change as you grow, you become stronger. That's all you can hope for in this life. I love you babe. Be the best you."

Although I kinda wish I found this sooner, this was the perfect boost for me this evening, and it did make me cry a lil bit. Was NOT expecting that today, haha.

I hope you guys don't mind this post being a lot longer than usual! This is such an important topic to me, and I feel it's really important to let you guys know that you're not alone with anything you're experiencing, and that it's 100% okay to talk about it.

Whether that's through your own blog, to someone close, or in the comments of this blog.

I encourage all of you to spill anything that has been putting stress on you and let me know how you're getting on, in the comments below.

I love you guys xx