12:17 AM. Don't Go Chasing Love.

Patricia (left), Ken (right)
It's 12:17 AM.

My bedroom is quiet and there's this empty ringing in my ears that makes it feel like the silence is truly filling the room. Since it's midnight you would expect the night to be dark; pitch black; but it's not. A bit of light finds its way through my window, leaving a pretty shadow on the opposite side of the room.

On most days, I try to surround myself with people.

Maybe I just really like who I am when I'm with my friends, or maybe I'm afraid that I won't be able do something I really want to do, without somebody at my side.

Like how sometimes I'll want to squeeze my way into the centre of a dance packed with people, or stop to take photographs of random lil bits here and there. There are days I'll want to visit a café downtown, or put myself out there to meet new people in different places around the city.

But the truth is, why do I feel like I have to accompany myself with somebody else all the time, knowing I'm capable of doing whatever I want?

I can do all of those things on my own, so why don't I?

Patricia (left), Koko (right)
Being my age, I feel some kind of pressure or influence telling me that I should have an interest in someone or that I should've be on lots of dates by now. I've been told I'm a "whole package" (LOL could you just imagine) and others are always shocked to find out that nobody's cuffed me before.

Most of my friends have been in (or are in) an intimate relationship and have had somebody they can rely on, or even just somebody to hold. Sometimes I think it'd be nice to just experience this just once- to know what it's like to put so much love and trust into someone, or even just to know what a heartbreak feels like. I'm still young and there's still so much time to find someone, it's something I shouldn't be worried about at all. It's just one of those thoughts, yenno?

Koko (left), Carlos (right)
Anyway, I just finished watching a movie called "How to Be Single" (ironically, not for any reason you might think. I just wanted to watch something before bed haha) and it was such a good movie I might have cried a bit. Might have... Just a bit.

I closed my laptop and stared at nothing really in particular, as I was kind of in the moment. I noticed everything- where I was, how I was feeling, so I started to think.

BTW, I do not reccommend thinking. Especially late at night when you're in your feels.

I know that I don't have to rush anything. I'm 15 years old (16 in May!) and I'm talented, strong, and fully capable of doing anything I want in my life. There's no reason to rush relationships, as they'll come when they come. The movie helped me realize that you can be happy alone and learn lots about other people, as well as yourself, without having to be in a relationship with them.

It's all very confusing, but give me time and I'll figure it out.

So from now on I'll try to work at my own pace, and enjoy the things I want to enjoy, with who I want. Because why rush and worry about the things that'll come with time?

So now I want to hear your stories, in the comments below.

Have you guys ever felt this way before?

Have you put yourself in a relationship you weren't ready for? Or are you still single and kinda just goin' with it?

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